There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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