we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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