I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
