So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
