If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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