I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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