the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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