Ambien. No doubt about it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
