We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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