I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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