So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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