they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
