Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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