Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
