i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
