the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize