As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
