I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we're so committed to being not committed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
