How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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