he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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