I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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