Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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