I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
