Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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