We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
