i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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