The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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