i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
