Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
