Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Semen is not good for contacts.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
