omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
