my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
