im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
