Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
