a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.