used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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