STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.