I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(