I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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