Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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