stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
