Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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