Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
