i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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