what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
