apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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