please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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