It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
