Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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