i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
