I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We are two peas in an std pod
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
