Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry about my life...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
