I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
