my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
