if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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