Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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