What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
