Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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