but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
