somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize