she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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