I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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