I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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